While Iranian authorities are busy fighting against bad veiling and cultural invasion, it would have taken them several weeks to decide how to announce the news to the Iranian people so that citizens would not think that such incident are possible in the country of the Hidden Imam and the authorities would do all they could to blame the miners for the incident.
In Iran, after contacting the miners, the authorities would send them 33 copies of the Koran and a mullah would come to talk to them through the hole and tell them that it's the best time for them to think about the pressure of the grave and cleanse their soul. They would later create a telephone line for them through which they could find out how to live according to religious laws several hundred meters underground.
In Iran, Mr. Mohsen [the person in charge of the rescue operation] would say that in order to save money one bulldozer would be enough for the rescue efforts -- God knows how to keep people alive underground for many years -- and the rest of the money would be sent to our poor brothers in Lebanon.
Then on state television there would be constant thanking and praising of the president and other officials for doing what they could to save the miners, and their wife and children would be shown while crying in joy in meetings with the supreme leader and the president.
In Iran, only Fars news agency would be allowed to cover the rescue operations. They would report on state television that everything was going successfully, but unfortunately there has been a small problem that is being solved with the help of the authorities.
In Iran, on the rescue capsule it would be written "We can, Death to the U.S., Death to Israel" to upset them when it was shown on foreign media. They would let Mr. Mohsen who [knows little English] write the text and it would include three or four mistakes.
In Iran, before the rescued miners could hug and kiss their female relatives, they would be forced to show their identity cards and prove that they're related and they would be lectured to by the authorities that it's not good to do these things in public.
In Iran, the miners and their families would be told not to say anything that would be used by foreigners, they would be interviewed by state television, and before the interview they would be briefed on what to say.