Here's a sampling of responses:
1) To call the police in the United States, you dial 911. In Russia, you dial 02. In Belarus, just clap your hands!
2) After a Belarusian dies, he or she goes either to heaven or back to Belarus.
3) A foreigner loses a wallet containing $1,000 in cash. Belarus hasn't experienced such an economic boost in a decade.
4) Our radiators informed us today that Russia has halted energy supplies to Belarus.
5) Everyone knows that Russia has two pains in the butt. In Belarus, we have the one and only, eternal, universally elected...
6) A kindergarten teacher has been found guilty of fomenting disorder for teaching her charges how to play pattycake.
7) The prime minister walks into Lukashenka's office and sees the president disguising himself as Osama bin Laden.
AL: Whaddaya mean why? I can't get into Europe. I can't get into the U.S. Let them chase me for a change!
8) Before the next "silent" protest, let's all eat a lot of beans and orchestrate a simultaneous (gas) release...
9) When Belarus negotiates oil-delivery charges with Russia, it pays only the costs of the telephone call.
10) Minsk Airport notice: Whoever's the last to leave Belarus, please turn out the lights.